Complex Trauma Series #3 - Breaking the Cycle of Complex Trauma
by Tang Poh Yee (Warmy)
(Picture credit @Browngirltrauma)
What is Going On?
Alice, a secondary school student, used to excel in the class. But now, she always looks very tired, does not talk to friends, and sometimes even not submitting homework.
Raj, a young working adult, appears as a driven salesman in the interview. After a few months, it seems like he is not performing as well as he said. He comes late to work more and more often. Even when the superior reminds him of all these, he appears disinterested, promises not to repeat, but he will still have other behavioral issues – easily provoked in work, making mistakes, picking fight with colleagues.
Siti, a housewife, taking care of the whole household and a few children. She thought she will have a better life after getting married, at least better than the life with her own family. She wouldn’t want to recall all those painful memories. Married life is sweet in the beginning. But as the time goes by, she realizes she has less and less patience with her kids. The love towards them just grows weaker. She realizes she is repeating the way how her parents treated her, but she can’t help it. She finds out the husband is violent to her. The past painful childhood memories just being relived.
Chong, a retiring businessman, has numerous illnesses all over his body. He has spent a lot of money to treat them, but they just never completely recover. His business has not been smooth because he always has problem with the employees and the customers. All these accumulating stress makes him burnout and feels like taking a break.
These are what complex trauma can appear to be, and it is not limited to them.
What is Complex Trauma?
When people talk about trauma, our impression is usually like a child has gone through an accident then those scenes keep appearing in his mind, and he can’t stop having nightmares and flashback. This is true and a more official diagnosis for this condition is Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).
However, complex trauma is about prolong exposure to a series of traumatic events, usually in the form of Adverse Childhood Experience (ACEs) if it happens in childhood, and can also happen in adulthood when the adult keeps experiencing traumatic events. When it is not properly understood, it cannot be properly addressed. People with unresolved trauma bring with them those memories and they will be relived in their life continuously in different settings – in school, university, working life, family life, social life, etc. Those people are stuck with the same pattern and they do not understand why they have to go through the same thing again. The pattern can refer to the repeating incidents of interpersonal problem, health problem, or the entangling feeling of fear, rejection, abandonment, anger, jealousy, just to name a few.
The Options, The Consequence, and The Reward
Those people have a few options.
Option 1 – resign to fate and think that life is cruel and unpredictable and there is nothing they can do to change anything (fixed mindset).
Option 2 – believe that there is a reason for all these that are happening, address the root problem and find solutions, they may have to keep trying. In the process, they learn and grow and the issues dissolve themselves (growth mindset).
While we cannot control what happened to us, we can always control what we think, believe and act. Learn from failures and get up again. Clear the obstacles along the way.
The consequence is serious if those people do not resolve this, as the trauma can be passed on to the next generation and people under their influence, causing a vicious cycle.
And the reward is great if they resolve this, when the trauma is healed, not only the problems they keep experiencing get resolved, they bring along the wisdom and lessons learned to be passed on to the next generation and people around them, thus creating happier and healthier families, communities, workplaces and nations.
Freedom to Choose
You always have the freedom to choose, whether to break the cycle at your generation, or to continue the cycle and see your next generation suffer.
Contact warmy2017@gmail.com if you want to discuss about your options.
#TraumaInformedCare#ComplexTrauma#ACEs#MentalHealth#MOJOKitabySM#SuaraMasyarakat #CommunityVoices
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